How I Became a Fan - Mariam Shahzad

I remember Thriller to be the first MJ song that I lent an ear to. And I loved it. My mother kept scaring me that I wouldn't be able to sit through the video. It was the early 2000's. I was either 6 or 7. These were the good days - when families spent time together, we traveled frequently and everything was perfect where it was.

 Then, dad bought a computer for me when I was 10 in 2005. To get everything started my uncle got a CD of All-Time MJ hits. I remember dancing around to Billie Jean, They Don’t Care about Us, You Rock My World, Black or White, Smooth Criminal, Jam, Heal the World, Tabloid Junkie and Blood on the Dance floor. I wasn't old enough to understand the lyrics hence his message but, boy, I loved his voice. His music was unique. I remember concluding that he was a league apart from other musicians. But just how much accurate I was in making that judgment had yet to dawn on me.

 I remember seeing a lot of his photos in the newspapers. Luckily no tabloids reached my home so I was a safe distance away from all the garbage printed about him. The youngest I had seen him was from Billie Jean and the oldest from You Rock My World. But I didn't compare his photographs at all. I thought he was cute whatever way he was. I didn't divide his lifetime into different "eras." I never thought he was weird. I didn't deem his appearance as impossible. The most I ever thought about his face was "how could he possibly pick his nose?" But when I concluded he must have used ear buds, it was case closed.

 Maybe it was the innocence I possessed being a child. When the simplest definitions and answers seem the best ones. Or my lack of interest in the development of popular culture. I never wondered about Michael Jackson: The Caricature brought by the media. All I knew was Michael Jackson: The Singer and Dancer.

 Come 2005, come the dreadful trial. I was 10 years old, too preoccupied with school and friends and dolls and family to understand that my future idol's world had just crashed upon his head. I was unaware. I now remember seeing a lot of his photos in a handsome suit that I used to cut out from the newspapers. But I never read any of the wildly exaggerated stories and filthy lies written next to them. My image of him was still the same. He was the King of Pop to me. Just a favorite singer. Since I didn't really listen to any other songs, I grew up with only his voice and dance moves.

 In 2008, I read a snippet in the corner of a newspaper that the King of Pop had turned 50 like some of his contemporaries. That he was going celebrate it quietly with his children and have a little cake.

 That was the first time I got to know that he too had a family. I had never wondered about his personal life. Not because I thought he was weird or uninteresting but because I was just too preoccupied. And because I respect privacy in general. I did not know that he was hounded everywhere he went. That he was probably the most famous man on earth. I did not know of his horrible childhood, his troubled adolescence, his marriages, his friends, his children, his fans, his knowledge of just about everything or why he wore a mask. I did not know that he was a sensitive soul. I never really took out time to get a chance to discover him.

 It was the morning of 25th June in Pakistan. I was in the beautiful city of Islamabad in my Grandma's homes' basement. It was around 12 or 1 in the morning. I was curled up on the sofa reading Eclipse - no wonder I hate the book so much that I want to burn it. Now, my elder sister turned the TV on. She casually flipped through the channels. Suddenly, she yelled out loud.

 "Michael Jackson is dead!"

 I lowered my book. And sure as sure can be, that's what the strip at the bottom of CNN read like. I sat up straighter unable to understand why the death of someone I was relatively indifferent to, was having such an effect on me. Everybody came downstairs and for the rest of the day we all sat glued as if we had lost a family member. The headlines flashed again and again. His face was plastered across all the channels. It was everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Fucking everywhere. Every broadcast was halted and it was him everywhere. And I sat through it in a kind of daze that is still unexplainable to me.

 After a whole day of the word "death" attached with this man, something in me gave way to tears. I hate letting people see me weak, vulnerable or at my worse. So I rushed upstairs to the second floor and locked myself in the bathroom. Everybody was still watching TV. That's when the tears came. Quite freely, too. I cried like a child. I cast aside all emotional barriers and wept. Quite literally, wept. Only when the tears refused to come out anymore, did I wipe my face and waited for the red blotches to go away before I went down again.

 The news was still everywhere. And it was still a huge blow. I saw people of all ages, genders, races, faces, colors and whatnot cry at the loss of their idol. It didn't matter who you were, he had touched every life on this planet. This effect he held blew me away. It was as if the heavens had decided that I was going to love this man.

 Next, I started reading up on him. I made friends with his fans. I listened to more of him. I tried to understand him. Slowly, I started grasping the facts about him. And I kept falling deeper and deeper into love with him. Now I am a proud, certified fan. And it still surprises me, how I have yet to know more about him. It’s like an unquenchable thirst. I just can’t get enough of him.

 But he isn't here. And that bites away at my heart. The fact that I can't tell him face-to-face about how much I love him frustrates me. But what I do know is that he is at a better place. And for the time being, that is enough for me.

 I love you, Michael. If only you knew.

My Dancing Machine - Marion Bowen

My lightnbolt experience with Michael started way back when I was a child. I can honestly say I didn't realize what it was then. But as an adult and since he's left this earth, I can say it truly was just that... the spiritual experience whereby my little soul recognized that amazing spirit of light inside this cute boy singing through my tv.

This all is started with Soul Train, the highlight of my Saturday. Not cartoons, but American Bandstand and Soul Train were my Saturday joys. Don't get me wrong, I liked cartoons and still do. But it was all about the fashion, the music and the dancing for me. And I had the whole living room area to do my dance moves; the couch and the chairs were my witnesses. One day during Soul Train, Don Cornelius announced, "Next week's guests will be the Jackson 5." Woooohoooo! I could not wait until that next Saturday. That week seemed to go by so slowly, even slower than a week at elementary school usually does. When Saturday arrived, I did my usual dancing to all the songs on Soul Train while waiting for the musical guests, the Jackson 5. I was pretty excited to see them cause the song they had out on the radio was pretty good. I really digged it.

I can't remember the actual introduction Don gave them but I think he said something like, "singing their hit Dancing Machine, the Jackson 5." YaY! I gave them my own standing ovation right there in my living room. There was no dancing during the performance just observation. They were perfect; it sounded just like it did on the radio. And their dance moves were smooth. Then, right at the little breakdown part of the song, Michael slips from behind the row of microphones where him Jackie and Marlon had just belted out some lyrics and did the most incredible edible dance moves! I had never seen anything like that in my life!  What was it? It seemed to last forever and in my mind it was done in slow motion.

 

And THAT was the moment that something happened.

It hard to explain from a child angle but I can close my eyes and still see it and feel it. The feeling was overwhelming. It was like a feeling of you knowing someone but just really seeing them for the first time. It was a hello, where have you been? It was like a cool breeze on a hot day. But at the same time, it was summertime with winter all around you. Yes, the feeling was magical and it was strong. I thought it was just me really really really wanting to have this song. I had to have it. I don't recall what happened after Michael did that dance, which I found out later at school was called the Robot. I had to release this energy, this feeling I had. I had to have this record. I remember running into the bedroom and shouting to my mother with tears in my eyes that I had to get that song Dancing Machine …the Jackson 5 sung it on Soul Train… Michael did the robot… and I had to get it NOW. I rambled all that out in one sentence. My mother looked at me like I had lost my mind. She was like, "I'm not going to go get no record I don’t care who sings what, right now." Is she serious? Does she know what just happened? I mean Michael Jackson just did the Robot and everything! I begged and pleaded but it did not do any good. I walked away quite sad. Knowing me back then, a temper tantrum probably ensued. Man, if only I had a car and was old enough to drive.

My mom did eventually take me downtown to get the 45 rpm of Dancing Machine. I played that song incisively on my little record player. I even took the record to school for record day in music class. My little Dancing Machine, that’s what I called him. Michael Jackson, my little Dancing Machine. I will never forget that feeling.

Be Like Mike - Bridget Moore Rowley

I was such a cliché really….I know that now….like far too many others, I took Michael Jackson and his Genius for granted while he was among the living…you see, I was born in 1958 like Mike….I’m a few months older actually and had recently turned 51 when he died just short of the same age…the reason this is important to my story is that Michael was on Earth pretty much exactly the same time I have been…but the impact of this fact wouldn’t become significant to me until a full half century later.
When I was 10, I was just a little white girl from a tiny town on the coast of Washington State and as about as far away from Gary, Indiana and Motown and the life that a little 10 year old black boy name Michael Jackson was living as I possibly could have been…but I remember dancing my little socks off at a slumber party with my girlfriends, as we alternated playing “ABC” by The Jackson 5 and “One Bad Apple” by The Osmonds over and over and over again, until we literally dropped from exhaustion…and when we woke up, as the sunlight streamed through the windows, we ate a big breakfast and started in all over again…yes, Michael found me for awhile back then….but then I lost him until I went to college during the late 70’s, which I fondly remember as the height of the Disco Era…”Off the Wall” hit me hard and “Thriller” followed…I was still very impressed with him, but by then I was getting married and starting a family…somehow the rest of his albums sort of fell off my radar as my five children were born during those 14 years…and that’s when, unbeknownst to me, I became the Classic Michael Jackson Cliché…I lost him….I bought into whatever the Media spoon fed me about his eccentricities and even supposed “crimes”….I laughed at the awful Jacko jokes…I cringed at the unflattering photos of his plastic surgery gone awry…I remember standing in front of my TV, watching him as he turned himself into the police in Santa Barbara, so certain that he just HAD to be guilty….and how sickening it made me feel that this musical phenomenon had become such a caricature of his former great self…I can now see what that makes me…but then? I didn’t have a clue.
Fast forward to June 25, 2009….I hear The News…I am gobstruck!….literally SHOCKED at how hard it hits me….I remember saying to several people, “It feels so weird to be living in a Michael Jackson-less world”…and the cliché continues…I start in with the YouTubing (which, by the way, was a first for me)…I soon become an expert at that and Googling and hunting down every other website I could get my hands on, as I find myself more and more drawn to Everything Michael….more and more surprised at what I’m finding out about him…The Real Michael Jackson….and what I was finding out about myself….I had opened a door.
July 7, 2009….Michael’s Memorial…by then, it was a foregone conclusion that I would be planted in front of my set…unfortunately made possible by the fact that I was in the middle of a six-month layoff from my job at the time….but it was a vulnerable time for me, as I didn’t realize then that I would later be asked back to my job…perhaps that was a factor in what was happening to me…my personal life was not in a good space…not only didn’t I know the answers to what was wrong in my life, I didn’t even really know the questions…but somehow, Michael had found me again…still, I had no idea what was about to transpire…as I watched his service, I wept openly…I cried not only for him…I cried for me….I realized what an awful person I had been…I was utterly ashamed of myself….but I began to let Michael’s beauty and love pour over me….unsure of what it all would come to mean to me, I boldly walk through that door I’d opened the day he died.
November 1, 2009…the day I saw the film, “This Is It”, for the first time…it had been a few months since Michael’s death, but in the interim, my zeal to keep this warm, fuzzy feeling in my heart alive hadn’t waned one bit…but nothing, NOTHING prepared me for how this film would impact my life…ten minutes in, one hand jumped up to my heart as the other was left to wipe away the tears…and there they stayed for the duration of the film…as I left the theatre, I felt like my DNA had been changed…I was not the same person that had walked into that theatre a couple of hours earlier….that door I had walked through in July? It slammed shut behind me and I never intend to look back…

There was a sense of hope renewed in my soul. I felt blessed. I felt like I had witnessed not only genius, but a vision of humanity I’d never seen before. In a word, I felt happy…for the first time in a long time, I felt contentment….as I watched his life and talent celebrated, I no longer mourned him. Instead, I felt called by him…I felt Chosen. But what does a person who feels Chosen by Michael do? I still had no clue what was to come.
The holidays were fast approaching. My family asked me what I wanted for Christmas…all I asked for were things related to Michael….books, CD’s, DVD’s….my oldest daughter gave me this beautiful cloth covered box that just happened to be the perfect size to house the gifts I’d received….it wasn’t intentional…but the cloth on the box was Black and White.
But before all that, in mid-December, something really unusual happened to me. I was in a bookstore…perusing their collection of MJ books, I’m sure…as I walked out of the store, I was instantly panhandled by a homeless person…as was my normal practice, I’m ashamed to admit, I really didn’t even consider for a moment to stop and give him something….I started walking down the sidewalk and as crazy as I know this will make me seem....as clear as a bell, I heard Michael’s voice in my head…he said, “Stop! Go Back! Give him something!”…I froze in my steps, dumbfounded by what was occurring…these things just don’t happen to me! I shook my head and opened my wallet…there was a ten dollar bill and two ones…but money is always tight for me…Christmas was coming and I have a big family for whom to pull Christmas together…I kept walking….about ten feet later, again I hear Michael’s voice in my head…it is louder, more insistent, more demanding, “Stop! Go Back! He has nothing! You have so much more than him!”…I spun around, feeling almost a pushing sensation at the small of my back…I thought to myself, “OK, I’ll give him the two dollars then and keep the ten for my own needs”…but as I approached the man, I really saw him for the first time…he wasn’t all that old…maybe 30…yet he looked so far gone….not high or drunk….just hopeless….I came right up to him and before I knew it, I said, “Merry Christmas…from Michael Jackson!” and I dumped the contents of my wallet into his hands…the entire $12 and all the change too!
The man looked down at the money in his hands and I could see him processing what I’d just said….he then looked back up at me and our eyes met…if you could have seen the look he gave me….he knew…he knew what I meant…he then gave me the biggest smile and wished me a Merry Christmas, thanking me profusely…as I walked away, to be perfectly honest, it felt like my feet weren’t even touching the ground….and it was probably the best feeling I had that entire Christmas season.
I now realized that this is what it meant to be “chosen” by Michael….it meant that I was to look for ways to positively impact others…even in the smallest of ways….but as often as I can…but how does that really happen? Well, to start, I just try to be more intentional. I try to consciously think of ways to find what I call my Michael Moments…for instance, when I’m checking out at the grocery store and am asked if I want to add an extra buck to my bill for a charity, I always say yes and I write Michael’s name, not mine, on the little sign they put up…for I realized that in performing my Daily Acts of Kindness in Michael’s name, I am not only atoning for my previous judgments of him and but I can incrementally help vindicate his name, which was so completely and unfairly maligned by the Media, The World and formerly, myself…I now stop at the end of off ramps and pull out a buck for the Sign People…always with a smile…always invoking Michael’s name as I do…it is such a beautiful feeling and so much more valuable to me than whatever dollar amount I’m giving away…And at the entrance of my church, there is a book that anyone can sign with a name of a person for whom you’d like prayers to be said, which is brought forward to the altar later during the Mass and offered to God…the priest says a prayer over the book on behalf of the entire parish and we all pray for everyone in that book…so I sign Michael’s name in it every week….my parish has no clue they are collectively praying for Michael Jackson and it’s the best part of my week!

I believe with all my heart that Michael Jackson was not only a beautiful gift from God, but perhaps a messenger from Him, as well….God imbued Michael with more talent, compassion and love than perhaps anyone before or after him….and placed him in the world at the perfect time when technology could impact the globe like never before….and there was a reason for this…I believe that Michael’s life was meant to grab our attention…to show, by the example that Michael always tried to set, the heights of humanity and in Michael’s persecution by his fellow man, the depths of inhumanity….I believe Michael Jackson truly was a musical prophet…we must learn the lessons of his life, apply them to our own and like him, always strive to become the best we can possibly be…to pursue excellence…to work hard….to appreciate family and friends….to be non-judgmental….or in other words…. to Be Like Mike.

Aug. 31, 2010

Michael Connection.... - Heaven Leigh

Recently a wise advisor was reading my chakras and said, “Your throat chakra is showing that you are not using your voice as you need to. That’s very odd because you are a writer. Do you know what that could possibly mean?” I have pondered his words for months. I haven’t told the following to anyone but my daughter, so I pray this is how I am meant to use my voice. I hope that anyone else who needs to open and let her/his voice flow will be inspired to do so…

My connection to Michael helped to create the need inside of me to share a message that is the opposite of what I grew up believing. The message is that the traditional concepts of God (as the easily angered judge of mankind) are untrue. My writings are in harmony with and expansions of Michael’s poem entitled “God” from his “Dancing the Dream” book. My first book on this subject is “Nina’s Story: The Crimson Flowers.”

I have loved Michael’s music throughout his career, but did not give much conscious thought to his spirit, his being and his heart. So many of his songs that I didn’t even know existed, seem now to contain messages from the universe. They call to me, often screaming, “Why didn’t you hear this before?”

In March of 2003 I had just recently moved back to Colorado. We had a record-breaking snowfall that literally trapped us inside for a while. The flimsy snow shovel we had was practically useless. Influenced greatly by the blizzard and its long lasting effects, I fell into a deep depression mode that lasted months, years—and hasn’t totally left me. I am no stranger to depression, struggling with it all my life, even as a small child. There are more similarities to Michael’s childhood than are possible for me to mention here. I will focus on the similarities in religious upbringing, because that seems to be where our spirits collided to produce a story. Inside my depression, a strong voice kept telling me to write a book. I had no idea who the voice belonged to, but I took it to be a loving voice forcefully pushing me to get up and do this.

Within a year I reconnected with Dawn, a childhood friend who opened my mind to The Law of Attraction thinking. Soon after our reunion meeting she was diagnosed with breast cancer and she passed in September of 2006. I didn’t discuss my “voice” with her, but I did talk to her of connecting with me from the other side. She promised she’d find a way to do this, and she did. It would take too long to describe all of the ways. The most outstanding way was to turn my TV on. When my son began getting scared by this, I asked her to stop and she did. One time on a trip with my daughter, this happened in the hotel room. The TV turned on while I was sleeping. I checked to see if the remote was on the bed and I could have rolled over on it. It was on the night stand and my daughter was in the shower. No one else was in the room. I knew it was Dawn. She had found a way to say this fun “Hello” again without startling my young son. Though I am sad that I can’t see her in this life or talk to her on the phone anymore, I am excited that she can keep her promise to continue communicating.

On May 10 of 2007, I finally started writing the book I had thought about for years. It was to be a story of my experiences in my childhood church, a church that taught God as someone fearsome, vindictive and hungry for worship. This ogre of a “God” commanded very strict adherence to myriads of rules. There would be banishment for the “disobedient” human. I was told by the church leaders that theirs was the ONLY true church. I didn’t even realize that other churches were claiming the same thing. This church was my world. It took years to break free of the self-defeating, humiliation that this church had taught. I was in my mid-30’s when I finally did. Women and children especially, were emotionally and physically abused by the patriarchal culture of the church. The main goal regarding children (preached throughout my childhood) was the need to “break their spirits.” Many attempts were made to break my spirit. In some ways they seem to have succeeded, but I think I still retained enough spirit to finally escape and help others.

I had to write about my slow evolution from seeing God as scary to feeling that we are all part of a loving Spirit force. Soon after beginning the book, I started meeting with a spiritual guide. I had never done this before, and it was fascinating to me. She told me that I had (as we all do) thousands of beings of light surrounding me. It was during a guided meditation later that year (2007) that I saw this huge brilliant angel of light by the door of the room (there were a few other people in the meditation group). I told the spiritual guide what I saw and she said, “Oh, yes—that’s my angel—he’s really big—his name is Arnie.”

I told her, “No, this is a different one. He’s telling me that his name is Michael.”

I didn’t connect this name to Michael Jackson whatsoever at the time.

I had a vision that evening that a bright angel named Michael (I couldn’t distinguish any facial features) was leading me to my grandmother. The path was a gradually ascending series of dark wooden steps embedded into the ground. The angel held my hand as we walked, led me to a Native American type of structure—and there my grandmother greeted me and took my hand. My grandmother is not Native American, so I didn’t understand those symbols at the time.

Later, that same year (2007) I believe it was in October, I had one of the clearest dreams I’ve ever had. It was Michael Jackson, in human form (as he was then) in a house with a dark wood interior. He was speaking to me near a stairway and I remember standing on a stairway with a dark wooden bannister. I was on the last step and Michael was standing on the floor by the stairway. Paris was behind him, and spoke pleadingly with me after Michael spoke. I don’t know how to interpret to you what they were asking, so I will leave that for another time, but I remember awaking without answering his question in my dream.

I didn’t connect this dream to the “Michael angel” vision. I just remember thinking and thinking about his question and Paris’ pleading. I felt so much love toward him—and her, but I was confused by the dream and a bit scared by it. I tried to dismiss and forget the dream.

When he died less than two years later, my heart was for my baby girl and of course deeply grieving on behalf of his children. My daughter had loved him since she was two years old. Her heartbreak over his death was obvious. He had been like a loving father influence for her, and she had suffered so many snide verbal abuses while standing up for him in school and defending him to rude family members regarding the false accusations. She was attached to him at a spirit level, but I didn’t truly understand until July 7^th, 2009, when he broke through the wall between worlds to touch my life again. I had grabbed a fiction book I’d shelved for months, to take to a hair appointment, so that I wouldn’t have to read their magazines. Seeing his name in the book happened simultaneously with one of his songs coming over the sound system of the hair salon I was sitting in. Later that night, after watching the recorded second half of the Memorial Service that I’d reluctantly missed to keep my hair appointment, I heard Michael’s voice again. It was inside my head. He asked me the same question from my dream of 2007. This time I said “Yes!” I remember sobbing and telling him I was sorry for not listening before, and feeling a need to express to him that I understood him, finally.

In late 2009, I felt I had hit a point where I needed to take the writing to another level. I wasn’t satisfied with the way the book was. I knew I needed help to make it better. In what to me still seems like a miraculous sequence of events, I met some new people that contributed greatly to the fruition of Nina’s Story. A local theatre director, Wendy Ishii, introduced me to her writer friend and his writing classes. I studied with screenwriter/ success coach/ and talent representative, Peter DeAnello to fine-tune my writing skills. I took off nine months from writing the book to study screenplay writing and incorporate these skills into my novel. I felt that I was on the right track when it hit me one day that my mentor’s names were Peter and Wendy. I started bringing my writing assignments to class in a Tinkerbell folder. One assignment was to write a silent film story. I brought in my BOSE CD player and played “Speechless” as the background music to my short silent movie story. I was nervous about doing this, thinking that others in the class would make insensitive comments about Michael, but I took the chance anyway. To my joy and relief, it was received very well.

Michael’s “signs” as many of you deeply understand, surpass all others in clarity and strength. He has more tools to use than many spirits that have ascended before him, because we have so many of his songs to remind us of him. How many of us get into the car and turn on the radio JUST as a Michael song is on, or walk into a store and hear his music as we’re entering and feel as if he is actually saying “Hello” to us in that moment?

There are so many signs like this for me, and when I felt something was to happen to take my dad away from me,  I was bold (or desperate) enough to ask him to promise me that he too would find ways to get through the “wall between worlds” and let me know he was still with me. My dad has gotten through, in much the same ways Michael does. He uses Elvis songs a lot. J I am grateful to Michael for teaching me how to recognize and believe the signs from my dad.

I know now that Michael’s was the voice in my head pulling me from a debilitating depression years ago. Michael’s was the spirit showing me himself in angel form. Michael’s is an astonishingly powerful spirit that is changing the world. I believe he has been doing so for many, many years. I feel his spirit in writings of the distant past; one name stands out in particular—John Keats, the poet. I don’t claim to know how any of this works, I just feel it. Spirit has given me strong pointers.

I am joyous to feel and see all of the other spirits (now in human form) around me  and flowing into Michael communities like this one who also have a “knowing” about this “Illumination” we call Michael—this ageless being we once knew as Michael Joseph Jackson. This being is so much more than what can be contained in the one lifetime of Michael Jackson. He came to me as “Endymion” in my book, an ancient spirit, perhaps free again to reach more deeply into every heart that will hear.

I don’t claim to understand what is happening. I don’t know why I was consciously blind to connecting Michael’s spirit to Michael Jackson before his death. I didn’t connect the voice from 2003 or the angel from 2007 with him at the time. I just knew that someone was helping me. Now, I see how so many of us have discovered a depth of connection with him that cannot be explained with an impotent little word like “fan.” Perhaps his spirit has been whispering to us for a very long time, perhaps we have been his friends, lovers or family in other lifetimes. I believe the one thing he wishes us to remember is to not get exclusively caught up in the Michael Jackson lifetime that he inhabited, but to release this “Major Love” so that all beings may feel the connection through the walls of time and space and life and death. He is pointing us to LOVE—not to only one man—but to LOVE. His purpose is vast and uncontainable and he is a MOST powerful spokesperson. Thank you for listening—as I feel you have been listening forever. ~h~

Do you believe in LOVE after life? www.heavenleigh11.com Nina’s Story: The Crimson Flowers

Michael brought me back happiness _-_ Mayra

Since I was a little girl I loved Michael. I didn't even know how to sing his songs straight, they were in English, but I would dance and sing them all wrong (laughs). The rhythm and melodies totally involved me. It was like Michael transported me to another world! My first interest in Michael was when my father brought home a Jackson 5 concert album. The songs were playing and I got the cover (seriously, I was very little back then) and asked: "Daddy, who's this?" (I was pointing to Michael). And my father said: "This is little Michael, the lead singer of the group". He said I had a big smile in my face and started moving. My family also says that I would always ask: "Daddy! I want 'bari santi'" (this is how I understood the name of "Wanna Be Starting Something" back then.. laughs).

Then, while I grew up, Michael's albums were always part of my life. Thriller, Bad... I just loved those. I remember when Moonwalker movie came out, I was simply fascinated.. I watched it so many times (had it recorded in VHS). Then I remember when Black Or White music-video came out on TV. My family, like always, were criticizing him (for "becoming" white), but I loved the video. I remember I tried to find Dangerous album and didn't succeed (I bought the CD only in 2009.. although I had some songs recorded on a cassette tape, I recorded from the radio).

I remember the trials.. his marriage.. but many things were happening in my life in this period and I was not very tuned in.. I totally lost "History Era". Then I remember when "You Rock My World" video came out. I was so happy to see Michael again, the video was amazing. After some time, I saw some news about the new trial and I found it so absurd and felt sad for Michael... I knew he was a wonderful person and all he did was for love. And then he was considered innocent. After that, I lost "tune" with him again, until 2009. Oh, what a year.. my God..

I remember hearing on TV that he was in hospital and then the news said he had passed. I saw the images on CNN (the helicopter).. On a first moment I felt relieved for him, because he had suffered so much and now he was free.. But then, after the public funeral, when I saw Paris speaking and crying, it was when Michael's passing hit me. And it hit me hard. I felt pain and lots of missing (of him). I started looking for every single fact of his life that I had lost, every video, CD, show, interview.. I even lost weight.. It was when I found out some spiritual messages of him and I knew he was doing well in spirit, and that he was happy. Then I was happy for him and my grief started to ease.

After that, amazing things started to happen. I was feeling his presence near me and he would send beautiful signs, such as playing songs in my radio, making a little noise in my ear, sending songs "in my head" when I was thinking of him, a beautiful rainbow in the sky when I was feeling sad... It was many things. And I found out that these signs were being sent to many fans! This was so amazing. And it was when we found out that Michael was calling us to participate on his mission here on Earth. Oh, how happy this made me feel!

After that, I began to enter forums, blogs, communities, where so many fans were in real pain for Michael's passing, to send them some energy and prayers.. to write words of comfort.. I wanted to help them, to see them all happy. This gave me so much joy and I could feel Michael's approve with this. I also entered spiritual communities, where we would discuss not only about Michael but also about so many enlightening subjects. It was great to share knowledge of spirituality with wonderful people.. And it has been this way, since 2009. I learned so much and I always try to do what our dear friend wishes of us: to heal our world, to treat everyone with love, and to nurture and protect the children.

I always loved children, but after Michael got present in my life (after his passing). I can see them in another point of view, and I love them even more. I always send them blessings, when they're near me.. I really hope we can make this world a better place, for them to live.

What can I say.. I believe nothing happens without a purpose from God, it's all His plan. Michael made me a happier person.. I had gone through really sad moments, a great disappointment, and it hurt so much that I wasn't living, I was existing (Like Michael always says, that we have to truly live, not only to keep existing). Michael's presence helped me to heal this trauma and also to feel that I was being useful to humanity somehow.. He made me feel happy after a long time and I love him so much for this. And for bringing me such a wonderful family, the MJ family. A family of love, respect and union.

Let's all keep his mission alive! Much love to you all =)

Make That Change My Lightning Bolt Experience - Jennifer

My Lightning Bolt experience is something that I never expected in my life, it happened in June 2009 when I heard Michael had died. I wasn't a fan of his but I watched him whenever he was on TV, in the J5 cartoon, all his songs seem to stand out to me, interviews he did I always watched them.  Then I got back to my everyday life of being a big fan of someone else not Michael.  I had been a fan of this other person since I was about 16 right up until June 25 when my world changed forever.

 I have even gone to see Michael in concert at Wembly, my favorite song was PYT and I now regard it as being part and parcel of my being here.  It was meant to be, and the memories are so precious to me.  The words ‘I LOVE YOU MORE’  will stay with me forever.

 But I had in the meantime and as the years went by I watched Michael when he came on the TV or radio.  I remember  ‘You Rock My World’ being played and thinking what a great song.  Whenever I saw him on TV I would feel happy inside I don’t know why, then I went and got on with my day, and the last thing I heard that Michael wanted in his TII concert was to have children of all the nations of the world, I smiled again to myself a knowing happy thought for him, he was back doing what he loved to do.

But looking back to the times when I watched him on TV he always made me smile when ever looked at him I felt something in my heart for him but didn't know what at the time.  When the allegations came I never took any notice of them or read any papers , but when the verdict came I thanked God for it. Why?  Because in my heart I knew he was innocent.

Then something happened on June 25, it was my sister in laws birthday and she was a big fan of Michael’s.  I went to see her and she was crying, I remember thinking it was over Michael.  Why? I asked myself, then I watched the memorial and I was crying like a baby.  I didn't understand why and the days that followed I had to find out about Michael anything and everything.  Nothing mattered, I wasn’t interested about anything else.  I was stuck to my computer everyday all day late into the early hours learning and watching you tube and trying to understand Michael.  I bought all his music and any book I could find on him and constantly crying all the time, my eyes red and sore.  I wouldn’t wipe away the tears that fell on my cheeks.  I let them dry, they were tears of love and pain.  The pain is in my heart it is so real I could hardly stand I would hide away crying in a heap in my room or in my bathroom floor.  I was missing him so much, why had this happened to such a beautiful man who’s only wish was to Heal The World with his love.

I don’t go to church but I asked God why, this was so wrong, why did he have to leave,  me and God had a disagreement about this, I was angry with God for taking him, and guilty at myself for not being there for him. 

I kept telling Michael I loved him over and over again, and the feeling in my chest was like my heart was going to burst through my body at times, feeling this love for him, it was that strong.  I would stop what I was doing and this overwhelming feeling of love would come over me, and just stop me in my tracks, and I’d start crying, but he wasn’t there, not in the physical sense,  but something inside me knew he was here.  Then I would think I was going mad.  I would try to talk myself out of it, but it just came back stronger than before, this would go on and on, I would question myself, am I the only one who feel’s like this?  What’s wrong with me?  Am i going mad?  Then I found The Michael Jackson Tribute Portrait and Facebook.  Gradually I became aware there were others like me who felt the same.

 It’s an old saying but – my husband doesn’t understand me,  or my children, they call it an obsession and they are waiting for it to end,  but I’ve got news for them – it’s not, and I’m glad.  I love this new found wealth of being, it’s so rich in Michael’s love, the place I know I want to be in, the dream is possible I/we are living it.  I even found myself going to church for a while, because I was guided there by Michael. (Maybe to say sorry!!)  There have been many times were Michael has given me signs, just to let me know he is still here with me.

I decided that I needed to do something for Michael, give back,  I felt it was the very least i could do for him because he gave us so much when he was on this earth, but what I didn’t realize was that Michael guided me, he knew what I needed to do for him, even before I knew,  to continue Healing The World through me he can do this, and I am only too pleased to help him.

Michael was right when he said “it’s an adventure  , a great adventure”  I’m sure this is just the beginning.

One thing that sticks out in my mind is that one night not long after Michael had passed, I half woke out of my sleep and I felt myself shaking like I had be hit by something an electric current, I will never forget it and this is why I have written my experience for you, my life has never been the same since or will be again, but in a good way.  His love runs through me like an electric current, and like Michael said, if I can help just one person or child that’s got to be a good thing.

Nature - Vision & Inspiration - Marlena Macovitch

I wanted to share with you all an experience I had which illustrates Michael’s continuing and continual influence in my life.
I just finished reading “You Are Not Alone” and was encouraged by one of the things that Jermaine related about Michael. He said that in the early 80’s, before “Thriller” Michael began writing positive affirmations on the mirror in his bathroom. He also taped affirmations for himself that he would listen to periodically. I began doing this myself after reading this. You see, I’ve needed those positive affirmations in my own life. I am a jewelry designer, but express myself in a number of artistic mediums. However, for the past decade, due to a number of major disappointments in my life I had been dealing with major depression that lead to a creative block. This caused a vicious cycle which was incredibly disheartening, since I had made my living with my creative talents for some years. I felt as though I was seeing life through a grey veil. All of this changed shortly after the 25th of June, 2009. While I was emotionally devastated, I also seemed to come alive again emotionally and creatively. It was as though my world became brighter and more alive again. I was once again able to see and appreciate the spectacular beauty all around me. My senses seemed to be once again finely tuned as they once were and I was able to feel the ecstatic joy of my youth because of this. I absolutely believe that Michael was responsible for this by leaving a part of himself for me.
I am particularly inspired by the beauty and forms of Nature and love being surrounded by trees and flowing water. As we know Michael felt the same. A couple weeks ago I stopped at a local spring which has been capped so that people in the area can get water there. Its in an area set back off a rural road. I’ve had several “Michael experiences” at this spring, as I tend to feel his presence most intensely out in Nature. It was late afternoon and the Sun was shining beautifully through the trees.   There are several small streams that run off of the main spring. I looked around as I filled my bottles with water and happened to see the Sun sparkling in the stream next to me. This one had a tiny waterfall which made a wonderful sound. There were some beautiful gold and red leaves floating in the stream and the bed was filled with multi-coloured pebbles, which were accentuated by the sunlight. It was so gorgeous that my eyes filled with tears, I felt a sense of oneness with creation, and I said, “Michael, see this through my eyes.” I’ve done this many times while seeing a breathtaking sunset or the spectacular colours of autumn leaves because I know he would feel as I do. I knew as I was leaving the spring that this sight would stay with me and inspire my creativity. As I was falling asleep that night I had a flash of creative inspiration in which I saw a necklace with a cascade effect that I will design using the colours I saw in that stream.

Since he left this world I’ve realized that Michael is always with us, guiding us, inspiring us in whatever we wish to achieve, as long as we do those things to bring beauty to the world, with love in our hearts and souls. He will live on through us in our positive and loving actions and artistic creations.