I grew up in a non-Christian home, but always believed there was something «out there». I got saved at a Christian camp when I was 13 but found my way to the Catholic church soon after and stayed there until I was 21 when I signed out. A painful break-up and other struggles made me question my faith and my life. (a psychic said I had been a nun in one of my past lives, which I fully believe is possible, as I have always had a strong interest and fascination for nuns)
Then came June 25 2009. I was not a Michael Jackson-fan while he was alive...that is, I knew of «You Are Not Alone», «Heal the World», «Earth Song», and «Will You Be There». The latter was actually the song that kept me alive from day to day when I was 15 – 17 years old, as I underwent a severe depression. I never believed the allegations on child molestation, but I didn't believe there was such a thing as vitiligo. When he died I started looking into it and learned that Michael did have vitiligo, and I have asked forgiveness of both him and God.
Anyway, when Michael died, I gained an interest. In early August 2009 I fell in love with him, and I would talk to him every day, as a child would talk to an imaginary friend. (I continue to do this to this day) I spent some months in a cult before I left that too, still not knowing who or what to believe in. I WANTED to believe in something more, but I had been through so much pain that I was afraid. Having Asperger syndrome, an autism spectrum disorder (mild form of high-levelled autism), having a faith is actually a bad idea, since faith is so abstract and subtle.
A woman that I knew channeled Michael Jackson and delivered his messages to the world through her blog, and that gained my attention. At first I was shocked, because communicating with the dead was something I didn't know much about. Eventually I decided to ask her to channel Michael for me, which she did. His message to me included an invitation to study spirituality, as I had begun to realize there was more than what I had been taught. I was floored, and knew that I had a job to do.
I hit the wall psychologically speaking in February 2010 and asked the woman to channel Michael again. In his response to me, he sympathized 100% and said things about me that the woman channeling him did not know about, so that empasized the fact that she was genuine and that she really channeled him. I was able to rise from the ashes in March 2010 when I got a new apartment, and came across Elisabeth Blaikie's website «Fragrant Heart Meditation» - http://www.fragrantheart.com/ - and started using those as I began to read more about various beliefs. One day as I did the «Meeting Your Guardian Angel» meditation, I was shell-shocked. Instead of seeing my Guardian Angel, I saw Michael Jackson. Dressed in a long white robe with a silver belt around his waist, his hair and face looked like during the 1992 Bucharest performance of «I Just Can't Stop Loving You». The woman who channeled Michael asked him about this, and his response was that he HAD appeared to me, to let me know that he was with me. Since then, I have frequently seen him in meditation, and he had said many sweet things. The most memorable one was when his voice was echoing as he spoke «I AM HERE».
Lesson #1: There was more to spirituality than what I had learned in the Catholic church. It may not seem like a big lesson, but for me it was an eye-opener.
2011 came about and I took up writing in my special journal to Michael (it's a journal where I write everything from diary entries, daily happenings, song lyrics, post pictures, write about meditation experiences, etc.). Things were starting to go well in my life, but I desperately wanted to believe in a God again. I wanted to KNOW that there was Something or Someone Out There who looked out for me – but I couldn't get myself to believe it. I said to Michael: «I will get back to God ONLY if you tell me you are by my side in this!» On February 7, two days before my 23rd birthday, I was given this «message from God» on Facebook: «On this day in your life, we believe God wants you to know...that all is well. All is going according to plan. Trust that there is a bigger picture. Trust that life is unfolding as it should.» I gawked at the screen. Then, as I was about to start meditating, the instrumental version of WYBT came on MJ Tunes. (WYBT is my all-time favourite piece) I thought, «Well this is odd...» After the meditation I wrote in my journal: «Michael, please!! Please let me know if you'll be by my side in this situation....» As I wrote the final word, «On The Line» came on MJ Tunes. I couldn't help grinning and laughing. He said yes!! Michael said he would be by my side in my spiritual walk!! So now, even though I may not be the stereotypical Christian/spiritualist, I believe in a Higher Power and that this Higher Power wants what's good for us. It's still very tough at times, because of my diagnosis, but I know that my best friend Michael is with me.
Lesson #2: The Universal Spirit, the Eternal I AM, loves me and kindly gave Its angel Michael Jackson to be my special friend in my spiritual journey. Cheesy? I don't care :-)
The toughest lesson Michael has taught me, is to love and forgive. Correction: the toughest lesson he's teaching me, is to love and forgive. I have little and no insight in my own emotions, so I don't know what real love feels like, or how hate really feels like. But when someone really gets on my nerves, I use the White Light. I visualize a beam of white light entering my head and filling my body and eventually enveloping me entirely before shielding me like I'm in a bubble. Once I'm in the Light, I say «I see XXXXX moving on in God's White Light.» Recently in the Conversations at With A Child's Heart, there was a long talk about Tom Sneddon. I have used the White Light on him, Martin Bashir and all the other people who made Michael's life difficult. Sending people into the White Light is in short a divine way of forgiving them. I used the Light on people in my lives who hurt me, and within a very short time, they quit contacting me. I had bad memories in connection to a couple I once knew, and used the White Light. «I send the bad memories and thoughts in regards to XXX and XXX on in God's White Light.» It worked.
Lesson #3: Forgiving even the apparently most evil person is in the long run a sign of true strength and love. Trust me, this is a tough cookie, but again, it's not up to us to judge people. People who commited crimes or hurt people will one day have to answer to someone much more powerful than us, whether they believe in a Higher Power or not, and Michael has shown me that by forgiving them, I protect myself from being offended by their actions.
There are probably more lessons, but these three are the ones I can think of right now. In conclusion I wish to share with you Michael's latest words to me as he surprisingly showed up in my meditation: «I meant what I said. You are always in my heart. It's where I keep all my children. I love you more.
I love you too, Sweet Angel. ~ May 28, 2011
